What is BDSM?
BDSM is an acronym for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Different practices may include:
- Using restraints
- Roleplay
- Wax play
- Impact play/spanking
- Pain play
How can I use BDSM in my marriage?
BDSM can be used as a method to deeply explore different dynamics in a relationship between two people, such as power, control and trust. As sexual exploration becomes less taboo, we are beginning to see increased studies into the benefits of BDSM and how it can improve relationships and save struggling marriages. Not only does BDSM allow you to build better trust and communication with your partner, but studies show that it can help to reduce your stress and anxiety levels [1], which may lessen arguments and tension after tiring days at the office.
Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones, a certified sex therapist, works with couples who introduce BDSM into their marriages. Dr. Jones talks about how she’s seen marriages be completely revived after experimenting with BDSM in the bedroom, stating “It definitely makes a difference for damaged relationships.”
What are the benefits married couples may experience?
Trust
Couples may begin to experiment with BDSM as a way to build trust in their relationship. It can be used as a unique tool where two people learn to push boundaries and be vulnerable together.
Before you begin, you will need to discuss what you both want out of the experience, and which roles you wish to play. For instance, one of you may take the dominant role to start with, if the other person is comfortable to be the submissive. Communicating and empathising with each other at this stage is key. You may also introduce safe words, where you learn to trust each others boundaries.
“BDSM is Used as a Method to Build Trust.”
Reduced Stress
Studies have found that stress levels tend to decrease when engaging in BDSM activities [2]. Specifically, research has found that with couples engaging in submissive and dominant BDSM roles consistently had lower levels of cortisol after engaging in bondage compared to before. Cortisol is the primary stress hormone. Lower cortisol levels protect us from a wide range of health issues, such as high blood pressure and suppressed immunity.
Lower levels of stress may be attributed to BDSM’s nature of experiencing physical intensity, whilst letting go of individual judgment and anxiety in sexuality.
Communication
Before experimenting with BDSM, you will need to communicate to your partner what you want from the experience, and where your boundaries are. This will need to be remembered and respected throughout the experience together.
Boundaries include safe words, where you both identify and learn the distinction between “serious” and “play”.
Not only will you begin to improve your communication levels on a verbal way, but you may begin to learn new physical levels of communication such as body language.
What next?
You can start the new year by experimenting with affordable and sustainable BDSM toys from Subana. Go on, have a browse — Subana.
References:
[1] Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: A preliminary study (source: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-45384-001)
[2] Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners (source: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jsm.12192)
